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Eric Stern Music
Oud Maniac
Posts: 89
Registered: 7-15-2013
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My wife runs when she hears the oud...
I saw a movie some years ago. It took place in Lebanon, and in one scene the father took his oud down to play and his wife got a misty look in her
eyes and said something like, "I love it when you play your oud!" I thought that this is how it would be one day in my house. Instead my wife says she
can't stand the sound and is tired of hearing it all of the time (And I'm a decent player by the way). "Don't you think it's a sweet sound though?" I
ask and she replies, "If you hear something over and over after a while it just sounds like noise." The funniest part is that I am an accordionist
for a living. But I only play the accordion outside of the house.
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Lysander
Oud Junkie
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Location: London, UK
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Haha! I love that story. My wife is the opposite, she loves it when I play the oud. Probably because it reminds her of being back home in Turkey.
When I first started it she did say, "you play the same thing all the time" but that was because I was only playing hijaz. Now my maqams have expanded
I no longer hear that complaint.
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majnuunNavid
Oud Junkie
Posts: 622
Registered: 7-22-2013
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Mood: Dude, where's my Oud?
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That is really funny. I have found that everybody who has overheard me practicing or playing doesn't seem to find it annoying.
In my house, playing the Oud gets a free pass, however playing my Mandolin is sometimes a problem. I have to choose the time wisely. That little thing
cuts through everything...
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spyblaster
Oud Junkie
Posts: 285
Registered: 2-17-2010
Location: Iran - Karaj
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why don't u use a silent oud with an amp and headphones? it will totally cost about 800$ but will definitely solve your problem. just in case u love
her and dont wanna have problem with her. 
its very strange though, here in Iran being an instrumentalist make u sexy for girls!
The Oud is my life, n my life is the Oud
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Eric Stern Music
Oud Maniac
Posts: 89
Registered: 7-15-2013
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Oh, it's ok I just wait until she goes to bed and then I play until 1 AM. But maybe if I threaten to play more during the day she'll give me $800 for
the silent one!
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DavidJE
Oud Junkie
Posts: 265
Registered: 7-14-2013
Location: Vienna, Austria
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LOL, this is great topic.
I've only been playing the oud for 8 months. I have played an instrument before, so reading music wasn't a problem for me, nor was the theory really,
but of course I'm still a total beginner. I generally play for 2 hours a day, if not significantly more.
For the first couple of months my wife also told me that everything I played sounded the same. Not only was I only playing compositions in Rast,
but...due to my having just started, I'm sure it all sounded equally crappy. When I got a bit better and my teacher gave me nice compositions in
different makam-s, my wife started to notice differences. But even still, when you're playing for hours every day, the people you are living with are
going to "tune it out"...not pay close attention. And then, I think it will always sound the same...it's always "oud music" if you're not paying
attention.
I also think back to when I first started. I bought a Munir Beken CD with compositions in various makam-s. Without having studied the makam-s, I
could not have distinguished between them. So, it's not reasonable to assume that someone who doesn't play Turkish/Arabic/Persian music is going to
be able to distinguish them either. I've met a couple of Turkish people who don't play, and they've heard of some makam names, but told me they could
never recognize a given makam. I shouldn't expect my wife to be able to do so either!
Anyway, it took several months before my wife told me, "I can't take it anymore!". I was surprised she hadn't exploded sooner, actually, considering
we live in a pretty small apartment and I was playing for many hours a day at that time. My teacher is a music therapist, and when I told him about
it, he told me...of course...music/sound has a substantial effect on a person. Especially at first, when a person is just practicing and isn't so
good, I think it's natural that a spouse or roommate isn't going to love it. But even after a practitioner gets really good...I'm not so sure.
I'm friends with a couple who are both professional piano players. The man told me, a musician's spouse will never like his music, because she/he
will have heard it all too many times. Surely there are some exceptions. But to me, it's a pity!
I have thought of only practicing away from my wife. That may help her to appreciate the oud when I do play for her. Otherwise, if I did/do play
something for her, she has already heard it 100+ times.
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Oud Freak
Oud Junkie
Posts: 292
Registered: 11-23-2007
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Mood: Oud Jerk 
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Quote: Originally posted by Eric Stern Music  | | I saw a movie some years ago. It took place in Lebanon, and in one scene the father took his oud down to play and his wife got a misty look in her
eyes and said something like, "I love it when you play your oud!" . |
After reading your post, this scene poignant scene comes immediately into mind, is it the one you're talking about? Last scene of "West Beirut" movie
by Ziad Doueiri.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txbLn42Jx1s
Not really a middle eastern style of oud playing, still it is ideal for this mood and ambiance. Great soulful playing of master John Bilezikjian. Full
of emotion.
Hope you enjoy.
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Eric Stern Music
Oud Maniac
Posts: 89
Registered: 7-15-2013
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Hey thanks for posting that clip...I couldn't remember the name of the movie but, yes that's the scene I was recalling from years ago. As you can see
in the clip, the wife is wearing a nice negligee and lights a cigarette sexily. My wife is beautiful as well but instead of lighting the cigarette she
will get up, walk away, and turn on the blender!
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Eric Stern Music
Oud Maniac
Posts: 89
Registered: 7-15-2013
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And David, you are right. I'm a professional musician (not a professional oudist, that's just for fun and it feeds my soul), and my wife blocks most
of the music out. I will say one thing in her defense. It's a noisy house: there's me with my oud and accordion, my son with his violin, and of all
things in our basement we have a couple living there who play the trumpet and the trombone! But since the oud is so different from all of those things
and softer that those other instruments, I was sure she would love it...like the woman in the movie. But you know a lot of fantasies come from movies!
Still I envy you guys with girlfriends and wives (or vice-versa if you are a female oud player) who actually ENJOY listening to you play your oud.
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Oud Freak
Oud Junkie
Posts: 292
Registered: 11-23-2007
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Mood: Oud Jerk
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Eric, I suggest you post a short youtube link so we can vote whether your wife is right or wrong!:cool
great movie West Beirut : http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/West_Beirut_%28film%29
The wife is performed by Carmen Lebbos, and the husband by Joseph Bou Nassar. Very sincere and expressive actors.
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SamirCanada
Moderator
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great thread,
It's also enjoyed that movie, a lot of great actors in that one. We have to remember that movies arent real unfortunately. Its every oud player's
dream that his women comes to him and says: hayati go get your oud and dandan for me while I poor you a scotch and light your arguileh.
For what its worth I am somewhat in the same boat. Although my wife enjoys my casual playing, partly because my daughter is quiet when I play. She
isnt a fan of Oum Katlhoum however, which is what I enjoy playing most...
that said, she definately cannot stand when I am rehearsing a particular peice for hours which I only do if I have a gig coming up. Its funny that
this topic is coming up now because I have been driving her particularly nuts with the palestinian national anthem (which is so repetitive) this week
since I am performing at a reception in the honor of the consul general for palestine tomorrow.
@samiroud Instagram
samiroudmaker@gmail.com
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DoggerelPundit
Oud Junkie
Posts: 141
Registered: 7-28-2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
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Mood: Odar
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My wife loves the oud and asks me all the time to play.
Of course, this may be because about 7 months ago I started on the kanun.
-Stephen
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Microber
Oud Junkie
Posts: 853
Registered: 1-20-2006
Location: Belgium - Liège
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Mood: No Mood
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My ex-wife also didn't like the oud. Although she had encouraged me to buy my first oud when we had travelled to Istanbul.
Now my new wife loves it when I play. She says : let the door open so I can hear you playing when I'm sleeping
But I have to say that she loves everything I do.
I hope that will last...
Robert
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Eric Stern Music
Oud Maniac
Posts: 89
Registered: 7-15-2013
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OK ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Some of you have asked me to post a video of me playing to see if it is actually that bad. So I will let all of
you judge. I make no claims to be amazing or professional. I am just a hobbyist BUT I'll be a good sport if you tell me you think my wife is justified
in her "noise" approach. Just to clarify, the only one "running" is my wife, but she doesn't really run, she just rolls her eyes and calls it
noise:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8PVkRtWm0Zs&feature=youtu.be
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Eric Stern Music
Oud Maniac
Posts: 89
Registered: 7-15-2013
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...and turns on the blender...
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Eric Stern Music
Oud Maniac
Posts: 89
Registered: 7-15-2013
Member Is Offline
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Okay you guys, you can tell me if I'm really THAT bad. Like I said I'll be a good sport and I'm always hoping to improve...
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Oud Freak
Oud Junkie
Posts: 292
Registered: 11-23-2007
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Mood: Oud Jerk
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It definitely can be a lot better. Keep it up! Bring some earplugs to your wife and practice endlessly
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Eric Stern Music
Oud Maniac
Posts: 89
Registered: 7-15-2013
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Uh oh! Maybe my wife is right! That's cool, I'm addicted no matter what...
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SamirCanada
Moderator
Posts: 3405
Registered: 6-4-2004
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listen, we all start somewhere so its very brave of you to post something in order to get advice.
I think you should harness the power of the moustache and wax it like Abou l'3abed. It may help you 
https://www.google.ca/search?q=abou+abed&source=lnms&tbm=isc...
For real, keep at it but also keep listening to the pros. They will give you an idea of what to aim for in your playing.
one more advice. Playing improvisations is great but really as a beginer you should try to play peices and other structured excercises because this is
what will build you the right foundation of learning how the maqamat interact so your improvisations make sense musicaly. I did recognize you were
playing inta omri towards the end which is great but try to keep with the rythm.
One more thing, hold your risha tighter and play a bit further than the soundhole. Also, Pay attention to the tuning of your oud. I heard some strings
which arent tuned properly.
@samiroud Instagram
samiroudmaker@gmail.com
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Eric Stern Music
Oud Maniac
Posts: 89
Registered: 7-15-2013
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I really appreciate that advice. I've been playing for almost a year now and following this forum and everyone is so supportive and generous. I
actually LIKE being a beginner at something...it puts you in a very good state of mind and you learn to appreciate the hard work others have done.
I'll keep trying.
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DavidJE
Oud Junkie
Posts: 265
Registered: 7-14-2013
Location: Vienna, Austria
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| Quote: | | one more advice. Playing improvisations is great but really as a beginer you should try to play peices and other structured excercises because this is
what will build you the right foundation of learning how the maqamat interact so your improvisations make sense musicaly. |
I was going to suggest the same thing. My teacher has been giving me well known/regarded compositions in each makam I'm learning, and I am focusing
on playing those rather than improvisation...at first. He did tell me to practice improvisation early on, but not until I understand the progression
of the makam, based on seyir and/or compositions.
I don't think there is a hard rule for everyone, but he told me that as a rule of thumb, I should learn ~15 compositions in a makam in order to have a
good feeling for it, how different composers approach it, common modulations to other makam-s, etc.
Playing compositions, you can sound pretty good, pretty fast, as long as you do keep your oud tuned.
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Jody Stecher
Oud Junkie
Posts: 1373
Registered: 11-5-2011
Location: California
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We cannot see your picking hand in the video (are you left handed or is the video reversed?). In any case the sound is similar to what would be gotten
with a small guitar plectrum. To get an authentic oud sound the down stroke must involve both gravity and the wrist and although there are small
varieties of plectrum grip, the best voice of an oud remains buried unless brought out by a particular technique. Search this website for details. One
of your strings has a fierce buzz. Maybe your wife is only trying to harmonize by turning on the blender. ;-)
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John Erlich
Oud Junkie
Posts: 1470
Registered: 8-26-2004
Location: California, USA
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Mood: Oud-Obsessed
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| Quote: Originally posted by spyblaster | why don't u use a silent oud with an amp and headphones? it will totally cost about 800$ but will definitely solve your problem. just in case u love
her and dont wanna have problem with her.
its very strange though, here in Iran being an instrumentalist make u sexy for girls! |
LOL! After two very unsuccessful attempts at music (viola at 9; trombone at 10), I started playing guitar when I was 13, because I thought it would
make me popular with the girls. However, I quickly switched from playing rock-n-roll to playing jazz, and it had the opposite effect (I grew up in a
provincial capital, not a cosmopolitan city). I now live in a much more cosmopolitan city, and I do get a bit of attention as an oud player.
Certainly not "rock star status," but I think the music is partly what drew my wife to me. She definately prefers to hear oud more than guitar, as
have the two cats we've had since we've been together. The musical tastes of our 9-year-old son are totally opposite, though...
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Eric Stern Music
Oud Maniac
Posts: 89
Registered: 7-15-2013
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So as I said I appreciate the feedback everybody but let me clarify I didn't actually post the video for advice (I like the advice I'm getting), but
just as a response to Oud Freak who said:
"Eric, I suggest you post a short youtube link so we can vote whether your wife is right or wrong!:cool"
So the vote is probably that she is RIGHT! OK, she still loves me. Here's what I'm asking...since you guys are so nice to point out stuff can I post
another one (I'll play my Turkish oud this time) with the INTENT of getting feedback? Would that be ok? I don't want to take up people's time and I
know that there are all sorts of skype lessons too get so I'm not asking for a bunch of free lessons but maybe ONE diagnostic from a video with the
actual intention of getting feedback, unlike last time? Thanks guys, you have been super helpful.
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Doc139
Oud Junkie
Posts: 175
Registered: 2-23-2013
Location: Winterthur Switzerland
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Mood: oud-sick
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Dear Eric,
I hope your accordion playing is better than your oud playing ...
I had the same impression like most other guys who wrote before me: 1. find a good teacher, 2. instead of improvising why don't you try to play some
melodic and easy tunes like "Uskudara" or "the stone rose" (I attach a scan from Marian Toshich's book "The Basics of Oud") - I am pretty sure your
wife will appreciate more this sweet tunes, at least so does my wife...
Sorry for the advice you were not looking for...
anyway, keep on going!
Alexander
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